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Showing posts from May, 2020

Breaking Up

Sitting in a room, something isn't right, I'm not sure what's off so I just keep on talking. Anything is better than that awkward silence right? Apparently not.

Leaving feeling worse than I did when I got there. Sad, confused, but I am aware.

This is for my good.
This is progress.
This is growth.

She stopped me eventually, she asked me if this was working for me.

No. I said, its not really.

I wanted to ask what was wrong with her today. But this has been a continued theme. It's not always been this way. I've changed. Maybe she has changed. We've changed.

And that's OK.

Why has it been so hard for me to face truth? Why is it so hard to sit in the uncomfortable awareness of my own flaws? Just because I may not have caused all of the wounds, I can't ignore the effects of the scars. I can't continue to pick the scabs and keep on halfway healing and not take ownership.

Just because something isn't working that does not mean I just run away. That'…

A Fresh Coat of Paint

This weekend when the kids were at their dad's, I touched up the paint around the house. It was awesome of the landlord to leave some in the place so it matches perfectly. After a year and a half of living here, there are some areas of the walls that have crayon, marker, stickers that peeled the paint, and other typical wear and tear of living in a house with young kids. At first it may not seem like that big of a deal to touch up paint, but wow did it give me a boost in my outlook.

A bonus blessing of the weekend was that I was able to go on a walk and enjoy a little sunshine. While I was out, the paint was able to dry. When I got home, it was like I walked into a new atmosphere. The place felt refreshed. I could walk up the stairwell and feel like it was so much cleaner and the energy was renewed. It was and still is amazing a day later. I know it won't always be this "clean" feeling but for now I'm savoring it.

This morning while preparing to watch church onli…