Just A Mom from Ohio

Layers. There are so many layers. We start out as a seed in our mothers womb, which was also a seed in her mothers womb, and on and on. We have been carried around for generations unbeknownst to ourselves. Have you ever heard of such a thing as generational trauma? For me and many others, it is real. September is suicide awareness month. If you have read my blogs or posts then you will know that I am unashamed about mental health and my journey with it. There is a history of suicide in my family. There are traumas woven throughout my heritage, as like many of yours. So what else can I do but face it. I sure as heck haven't been able to escape it or the effects of it, no matter how hard I have tried. Stuffing it, numbing it, talking through it, giving it to God, are all part of my journey. There doesn't seem to be a one size fits all answer.  painted rocks for suicide awareness from a friend and her group of amazing people Today, I'm writing about a simple yet p

Summer Sunsets...in Ohio In a year like 2020 has been for so many, I am shifting my eyes and my attention to the gifts all around me. We are so blessed in this state with all sorts of amazing places to STOP and notice God's glory and  masterpiece. What are you focusing on these days?  This is a picture taken at Lake Erie Bluffs. It is by far my favorite picture. The tiger lily was placed there to help me capture some extra color. I absolutely love the way it turned out. (Thank you God!!!)  This is another picture, another flower, same sunset, same place, just a few steps over and a few minutes before. I don't have to edit God's work 😁 There are hundreds of amazing photos of God's handiwork on my phone. I'm going to start showcasing it here on the blog site. It's hard for me to keep it to myself because I know its a reminder of God's promise to me and to all of you.  Thank you God for blessing us with a sunset and a sunrise. The color

Sitting in a room, something isn't right, I'm not sure what's off so I just keep on talking. Anything is better than that awkward silence right? Apparently not. Leaving feeling worse than I did when I got there. Sad, confused, but I am aware. This is for my good. This is progress. This is growth. She stopped me eventually, she asked me if this was working for me. No. I said, its not really. I wanted to ask what was wrong with her today. But this has been a continued theme. It's not always been this way. I've changed. Maybe she has changed. We've changed. And that's OK. Why has it been so hard for me to face truth? Why is it so hard to sit in the uncomfortable awareness of my own flaws? Just because I may not have caused all of the wounds, I can't ignore the effects of the scars. I can't continue to pick the scabs and keep on halfway healing and not take ownership. Just because something isn't working that does not mean I just ru

This weekend when the kids were at their dad's, I touched up the paint around the house. It was awesome of the landlord to leave some in the place so it matches perfectly. After a year and a half of living here, there are some areas of the walls that have crayon, marker, stickers that peeled the paint, and other typical wear and tear of living in a house with young kids. At first it may not seem like that big of a deal to touch up paint, but wow did it give me a boost in my outlook. A bonus blessing of the weekend was that I was able to go on a walk and enjoy a little sunshine. While I was out, the paint was able to dry. When I got home, it was like I walked into a new atmosphere. The place felt refreshed. I could walk up the stairwell and feel like it was so much cleaner and the energy was renewed. It was and still is amazing a day later. I know it won't always be this "clean" feeling but for now I'm savoring it. This morning while preparing to watch church o

Wow, well 2019 flew by and I did not do my quarterly updates on my word of the year (#momlife). So today, in January of 2020, I will follow up about my focus word for last year, " content ".  In retrospect, I am honestly satisfied with how the year went. Granted a lot changed, but it could have been worse, right? Seriously though, I think it was a good year. Over the year, I was in the Word daily. I was going to church most weeks. I took my real estate pre-licensing classes and actually passed my test on the first try. We lived on our own for a full year.  My family blessed my kids majorly at Christmas even when I couldn't. My focus on my health and wellness improved significantly and I lost 15lbs and have been maintaining it with a daily commitment to exercise and improved eating. There has been a lot of progress and absolutely no perfection which in itself is awesome. I'm learning to live with less static and more intention. What did I learn about contentment?

Have you ever heard of a company called  Misfits Market ? It is a online grocery option for the unfavorable or ugly produce that doesn't meet the expectations of the grocery store. At church today the sermon was focused on the passage of Galatians 5:16-26 and the fruits of the Spirit. I ended up drawing a picture of an apple and thinking about the outside of an apple and the different perspectives on how it might be viewed. Thinking about how my own fruit would be viewed compared to how it really is... Heading into Thanksgiving this week and about to potentially be around lots of people, perhaps challenged emotionally, the pastor asked us to try to be the fruit of the Spirit that we struggle with the most. So....I started breaking down the fruits of the Spirit to figure out what I should focus on.  The fruits of the Spirit are: love joy peace patience kindness goodness faithfulness gentleness self-control While thinking of these I opened the Blue Let

have you ever been in a one-sided conversation, like nothing you said was heard at all or worse that it was totally misunderstood  have you ever been in a relationship where it felt like it didn't matter if you were really there at all, like you weren't even in the room  I wonder if that is how God feels  maybe it isn't so bad if my words aren't heard  maybe what I have to say isn't all that important  whatever happened to thinking before we speak  and choosing our words carefully  remember that philosophy  have you ever been pushed right past when actively trying to listen,  as if a ghost just walked right through you  sometimes it's like we can't win can't talk listen or stand  I wonder if that's how God feels  have you ever prayed like your life depended on it  and maybe it even did  how did you react when your life didn't end do we say thank you  do we tell a friend  or do we  sim