Just A Mom from Ohio

Sitting in a room, something isn't right, I'm not sure what's off so I just keep on talking. Anything is better than that awkward silence right? Apparently not.

Leaving feeling worse than I did when I got there. Sad, confused, but I am aware.

This is for my good.
This is progress.
This is growth.

She stopped me eventually, she asked me if this was working for me.

No. I said, its not really.

I wanted to ask what was wrong with her today. But this has been a continued theme. It's not always been this way. I've changed. Maybe she has changed. We've changed.

And that's OK.

Why has it been so hard for me to face truth? Why is it so hard to sit in the uncomfortable awareness of my own flaws? Just because I may not have caused all of the wounds, I can't ignore the effects of the scars. I can't continue to pick the scabs and keep on halfway healing and not take ownership.

Just because something isn't working that does not mean I just run away. That'…

This weekend when the kids were at their dad's, I touched up the paint around the house. It was awesome of the landlord to leave some in the place so it matches perfectly. After a year and a half of living here, there are some areas of the walls that have crayon, marker, stickers that peeled the paint, and other typical wear and tear of living in a house with young kids. At first it may not seem like that big of a deal to touch up paint, but wow did it give me a boost in my outlook.

A bonus blessing of the weekend was that I was able to go on a walk and enjoy a little sunshine. While I was out, the paint was able to dry. When I got home, it was like I walked into a new atmosphere. The place felt refreshed. I could walk up the stairwell and feel like it was so much cleaner and the energy was renewed. It was and still is amazing a day later. I know it won't always be this "clean" feeling but for now I'm savoring it.

This morning while preparing to watch church onli…

Wow, well 2019 flew by and I did not do my quarterly updates on my word of the year (#momlife). So today, in January of 2020, I will follow up about my focus word for last year, "content".  In retrospect, I am honestly satisfied with how the year went. Granted a lot changed, but it could have been worse, right? Seriously though, I think it was a good year.

Over the year, I was in the Word daily. I was going to church most weeks. I took my real estate pre-licensing classes and actually passed my test on the first try. We lived on our own for a full year.  My family blessed my kids majorly at Christmas even when I couldn't. My focus on my health and wellness improved significantly and I lost 15lbs and have been maintaining it with a daily commitment to exercise and improved eating. There has been a lot of progress and absolutely no perfection which in itself is awesome. I'm learning to live with less static and more intention.

What did I learn about contentment?

awarene…

Have you ever heard of a company called Misfits Market? It is a online grocery option for the unfavorable or ugly produce that doesn't meet the expectations of the grocery store. At church today the sermon was focused on the passage of Galatians 5:16-26 and the fruits of the Spirit. I ended up drawing a picture of an apple and thinking about the outside of an apple and the different perspectives on how it might be viewed. Thinking about how my own fruit would be viewed compared to how it really is...
Heading into Thanksgiving this week and about to potentially be around lots of people, perhaps challenged emotionally, the pastor asked us to try to be the fruit of the Spirit that we struggle with the most. So....I started breaking down the fruits of the Spirit to figure out what I should focus on. 
The fruits of the Spirit are: lovejoypeacepatiencekindnessgoodnessfaithfulnessgentlenessself-control While thinking of these I opened the Blue Letter Bible app and started reviewing the G…

have you ever been in a one-sided conversation, like nothing you said was heard at all
or worse that it was totally misunderstood
 have you ever been in a relationship where it felt like it didn't matter if you were really there at all, like you weren't even in the room 
I wonder if that is how God feels
 maybe it isn't so bad if my words aren't heard
 maybe what I have to say isn't all that important 
whatever happened to thinking before we speak  and choosing our words carefully  remember that philosophy
 have you ever been pushed right past when actively trying to listen,  as if a ghost just walked right through you
 sometimes it's like we can't win can't talk listen or stand
 I wonder if that's how God feels 
have you ever prayed like your life depended on it  and maybe it even did
 how did you react when your life didn't end do we say thank you  do we tell a friend  or do we  simply move on and forget
 I wonder how God feels when we call o…

Do you remember that moment you took that first picture of you and your significant other, before it was official? Do you remember the feeling? Take a look at that photo, either physically or in your mind, what feelings does it invoke? Depending on your current situation that answer may vary significantly.

Isn't that just like life though, people change. Our ideas of a person are based on the first impression usually. We build up a fantasy of what life could be like with them. But we all change and often so do our opinions and even possibly how we remember someone or how we remember details of our relationship with them.

Seeing a picture of what once seemed like an ideal relationship that has since broken apart is hard on a soul. It doesn't matter if it is your own picture or of someone else.  In the image you can see the light in a person's eyes, the excitement of not noticing the other's flaws. But once you know that it has been ruined by human nature and sin, it hurts…