|The Heart of Te Fiti|
When I think of the ugly parts of our world, for me, its anything or anyone that hurts children. Makes me sick inside. Causes a lot of wrestle, a call for me to study the Bible, ask God questions, pray, listen, wait, and grow in my faith. Hopefully I won't personally know anyone doing this type of harm to a child but the darkness of sin is present all around. I do encounter it and it is a struggle.
When the pain from sin seeps into my life, close enough to choke on it, the fight is on. What do I do when I feel flooded by darkness that only the enemy can bring? When it starts to take out the coconut trees and fish that feed us? Do I believe in the power of Jesus Christ? Do I wait for the darkness to take over? Or do I sail into the unknown and journey past the reef? Am I able to look to the true light of the world and trust Him to guide my way?
When I watch Moana, Te Ka, the lava monster lady, symbolizes all the people that I can hardly stomach. For me she embodies the sin, and the evil that was done to those people that turned them into the monsters they have become. I do think some people were just screwed up along the way. I don't excuse their behavior and the choices they made as a result, but it does help me process it when it seems like there is a reason. Some of the horrific things are simply too much for me to try and grasp the why but I do believe in free will.
Te Fiti had her heart stolen. Without her heart, the darkness was ignited. Throughout the whole movie you think the villain and the one that needs restored are 2 different characters. It is not until Moana faces all the obstacles and climbs up to the top of the mountain that she sees that Te Fiti is gone. Then she realizes that Te Ka is actually the one that needs this heart. She faces her head on, like nose to nose, and tenderly restores this little green stone that is her heart. As she walks to meet her, she sings a song, "I know who you are, who you really are".
When I was active in my habitual sin life, I felt so much pain, so much guilt, and shame. I was hiding inside myself and didn't know how to let go of the past, the hurt, mostly things done to me & my reactive sin. I was afraid and immature in my faith. Now I picture God saying to us, that he sees past the outer shell, that He knows who we truly are, who we are in Him. He knows anything that was done to us and he will handle that.
I'm doing the First5 app Bible study on Job and I remember learning about not worrying about what appears like wicked prospering. OK, but its hard to move forward when you may be physically, emotionally, or spiritually deformed as a result of things done to you. You have to overcome a reminder, a scar, and still function in a dark world that often doesn't even notice your pain.
In working the 12 steps, I am focusing on cleaning up my side of the street before focusing on fixing anyone else. I simply cannot understand the reasons for so much pain and heartache in the world other than it is not how God intended it to be. I am working on my relationship with God and making sure I get the speck out of my own eye. I'm praying to the Creator and asking for Him to help me keep my focus on what He wants. Step 1 is that I admit I am powerless over (enter anything here) and that my life has become unmanageable. Did you know that you can be addicted to food, social media, shopping, video games, among other things? It is not just about drugs and alcohol. Please don't judge anyone doing the steps because I personally think it would be amazing for anyone to work through them. I'm on Step 4. It's taking awhile but I wouldn't trade this for anything because it has connected me to God on a different level and helped me to have more compassion for someone struggling. We are all sinners. No one is better than another. Sin is sin, its equal.
Bottom line, it's a heart issue and I believe the Holy Spirit is capable of transforming and restoring a heart. It just might not be on my schedule or in my ability to understand. Please pray.
Dear God, Thank you for the Holy Spirit. Thank you for providing a way to restore our relationship with you through Jesus Christ. Lord, I lift up the mothers who have children who have grown up into a life of hurting people by committing crimes. I can't imagine what they might be feeling in the form of mom guilt, questioning you, or anger, and of course love for their child. Lord, I don't know why some of this stuff happens, if it is genetic, the way they grew up, or a combination, but I know it is not my job to figure out. I am praying for all the wounded people, on all sides. You equip us with different gifts and I pray for those that can minister to those in prisons and inner cities. Soften my heart and help me to remove the specks from my eyes. Help me to be humble and not self-righteous. My sin is no less than anyone else. You know the heart! I pray for anyone on the fence about trusting you with their hearts and their lives. Help us to reassure them that with you is actually the safest place, regardless of the storms of this world. No one is immune to the fallen nature of the world but with You Father, we have hope. Thank you for that hope. In Jesus Name, amen.
Thank you! God Bless!