At the moment I am writing this it is nearing the end of the infamous "love day", the one, the only, Valentine's Day. Bam! You either love this day or you hate this day. Usually. Depending on what you may be focusing on.
More often than not, I have been single on Valentine's Day. I wonder if that has shaped how I feel about Valentine's Day or really any romantic anniversary when I have been "attached". I'm not that sappy. I tend to want to move past these types of days quickly. I don't want anything jinxed. This lady has trust issues.
Tonight I was so happy to have Bible study to go too. And that wasn't about my relationship status. Or maybe it is. My relationship with Jesus is growing as I study the Bible with these women. I'm noticing a hunger for the Word. It's awesome and sometimes intimidating. Application questions are no joke!
In a larger group, I am aware of how unique and wonderful God made us all. Noticing all of the ways we are the same and the ways we are different is wonderfully refreshing my soul as I mature into acceptance of the way God made me. In the past maybe I would compare myself and lately I am just in awe. God made us beautiful and in His image. Being in community with real women is allowing God to speak peace to me about my insecurities.
Valentine's Day is a great day to be aware of my insecurities. Not! But it is not where I am going to focus. Tonight I was focused on Jesus. Tonight I am reminded that I am known and loved.
We are studying the second half of Matthew. We are entering Passion Week. Jesus is super cool once you start to learn more. His love for us is fierce. His love for ALL of us is fierce. His love for me is still hard for me to fully grasp.
If you feel lonely tonight, tomorrow, or whenever you read this, you are not alone. Some of us look different and feel different than what others can see. We might appear to have it together and be falling apart on the inside while others may not be able or want to hide something going on with them. Our actions may be completely opposite to each other because we come from unique backgrounds. Context is so relevant (especially when studying the Bible). Let's not judge each other. We don't know what's going on inside one another.
In the study of the gospel of Matthew I am being reminded that I really don't know Jesus as well as I want to or can but He knows me. At the end of each week we consider different attributes of God and what knowing that about Him says about us. For example, tonight knowing that God is omniscient shows me that I am known and loved. I should say fully known and fully loved (thank you Tauren Wells song). My friend, you are fully known and still fully loved too! Loved more than you can grasp. Loved beyond comprehension. I pray that Ephesians prayer over you as much as I do over myself.
Father God, Thank you for loving me and wanting to know me even though you already do. You love me so much and you still want to hear me speak. God, I admit I am stubborn and lost in my brokenness at times that I struggle to stay in the freedom of your love. You paid for my sin once and for all, yet I get distracted by lies of the world. Help my friend know how loved she is too. Encourage us to encourage each other. Thank you for the dedicated women who are enriching my life through this Bible study. I am so grateful to be on this side of the Bible and yet I'm desperately in need of your grace everyday. On a day when culture tries to dictate my worth by relationship status I'm reminded of true love. Thank you is not enough to say when I think of your intentional trek to the cross to reveal your endless love for us. In Jesus saving name, amen.