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Saturday, December 31, 2016

Chase Me

So I had written a summary of what happened yesterday and frankly it was too much fluff, so let's get straight to the point. Let me set the scene. A bored and almost feeling better mom takes a tired 3yo to a busy Target in the middle of the afternoon so she could indulge herself and use a gift card for some storage bins that were on sale. Can you hear me justifying this by saying it was quality mother daughter time? Ha. I was trying to allow myself  this opportunity to give her some independence to walk and listen since its just not possible for me when we have her brother too. The cart I ended up with gave her the option to climb in and out. You can see where this is going. Fast forward a few meltdowns later and we are almost done at the store. But I find myself watching, not in disbelief, as she darts down the middle isle and doesn't stop. I'm chasing her as she goes around the corner out of my sight. Once I can see her again, I observe how she is pausing at the end of that runway and trying to determine if I'm going to come after her from the other side. She hasn't noticed me, so I launch after her and scoop her up into my arms, hoping to scare her. All I want her to feel is fear in that moment that some random stranger could have snatched her away from me but she doesn't. I don't know what she understands. I tell her as I strap her back into the harness of the cart how much it scares me when she runs away because I don't want to lose her. I don't want anyone to take her from me because I love her too much.

Read Psalm 139 in The Message.God, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand. I'm an open book to you; even from a distance, you know what I'm thinking. You know when I leave and when I get back; I'm never out of your sight. You know everything I'm going to say before I start the first sentence. I look behind me and you're there, then up ahead and you're there, too- your reassuring presence, coming and going. This is too much, too wonderful- I can't take it all in! Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit? to be out of your Sight (verses 1-7a)

When I read that Psalm, I love how God is a reassuring presence and that I can't be out of His sight. Now if I apply this to my daughter, perhaps she is not afraid because she knows I'm chasing her and that I will do what I can to keep her safe. In time, I want to teach her to rely less on me or even her own self sufficiency and to lean more on God.

Another thing I don't want my daughter doing is thinking that a man will be the answer. I spent a lot of time convinced that my future husband would solve my world's problems. Oh how I wish I could get so much of that energy and time wasted on chasing the wrong people or things to make me feel complete. Sorry Disney but there is no prince charming out there, at least not in the way often portrayed. The only man that ever lived without flaws is our perfect Savior Jesus Christ.

 Am I standing at the end of the aisle looking the other way around the corner to see if He's going to come? Do I test God? (see Matt. 4:7) Ask your heart whether or not you are waiting for Him or running from Him. God's love is unlike any human love, God's love is relentless for His children but I have to grow up (1 Cor 13:11 NLT, 2 Timothy 3:14-17) and I have to seek him and not just expect him to seek me. I have a void in me that will not be satisfied with anything other than the love of our Savior.

Dear Jesus, thank you so much for never giving up on me. Thank you for providing a light and a way so that I can always be back by you and know that I'm safe. Thank you for answering me every time I've called out your name "Jesus Jesus Jesus", thank you. Please encourage anyone that may be reading this that doesn't know how much you love them. Fill their world and their hearts with Your warmth and Your comfort and Your love. In Jesus Holy and Precious Name, Amen.

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Thank you! God Bless

Thursday, December 29, 2016


This Christmas season, I was browsing Amazon for Roomba sweepers. During a trip we took in October, we saw one at a friend's house and it was pretty entertaining. Our house is always needing an extra cleaning, especially with a carpeted dining room, but did I really need or even want one? 

You see, and this may sound crazy, but I actually quite enjoy sweeping. Plus, it does count as an arm workout (IMO). Now this fondness for running the vacuum was not always there. It seems to have awakened after kids. As I was just sweeping our front entry room (where the shoes and salt live), it came to mind, that maybe this is actually about control. 

The messes in the house are constant. The crumbs. The puzzle pieces. The blocks. The list goes on and you get it. Messes in life are fairly frequent too. But I can't quite fix those as easily. Plus, cleaning up life's messes doesn't always work. I'm not supposed to constantly clean up other people's mess, that is not my job, even if they ask or I feel needed. That's a tough boundary to navigate but with my kids, at their current ages of 1 and 3 years old, running the sweeper is my job. They love to grab the attachments and try to help but I just want to do it myself. It's hard to let them help me, things take longer and they fight over the parts. Even so, I'd rather keep the sweeper. If I had a Roomba, what would I do when I needed to let off some steam? Now if I owned a home cleaning business, you can bet that there would be 3 of those Roombas cleaning all over while I did the stuff they couldn't. 

In Luke 17:33 NIV Jesus says: "Whoever tries to keep their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life will preserve it." 

Surrender has been tough for me through the years, but let me encourage you, don't hold on to the crumbs. Let God have it all. If you are afraid, that's normal. I committed 2016 to focus on the word "powerless" and I am glad that I did. It was not easy, not at all and I think I could literally feel it when my heart let go. There is something that changes when you really give it to God. 

He says, "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."  Psalm 46:10 NIV

Being powerless is somewhat freeing because I know the God who is all powerful. 

Jesus, Thank you for Your comfort and peace this past year as I've truly learned to give you all the power. Thank you for being a friend. Help me to stay committed to surrendering my life, my marriage, my children, my dreams, all of it to you each day. You alone are worthy of my praise. In Your Saving Name, Amen. 

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Thank you! God Bless

Thursday, December 15, 2016

Just a Mom?

Who am I and why am I here? And why do you care?

Who I am?

My name is Angela and I'm a mom of two. I'm also a wife, a daughter, a sister, and a friend. For years, particularly the twenty-something years, I was desperate to find my identity. Now as a mom, I don't want to lose that grip I just gained on finding my identity and replace it with one of the many adjectives I could find to describe the roles I have in life. Who I am is not simply defined by the titles of mom, wife, or friend. Who I am always has been and always will be defined by the Great I Am, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  

Here are some links about identity in Christ:

Why am I here (on this blog)?

Since as long as I can remember, writing has been therapeutic for me and has been the most effective way for me to express my deep feelings. As a child, I could have been described as shy, and writing became a safe way to communicate. Whether it was letters, diaries, or poetry, writing as been the way I became comfortable sharing with the world around me and to God. It has been a goal of mine to become a published author at some point and simply put, a blog may be the most effective way for me to get to that goal. So here I am. 

Why do you care?

Maybe you struggle with feeling like "just a mom". Maybe you connect with me on some level about needing to find your identity. Not the lies you may have been told or believed, but God's truth. Hopefully, as we journey through motherhood and life together, we can grow in our understanding of the love God has for us and we can take the knowledge of this love from our minds into our hearts to accept and believe it. Join me as I attempt to learn more about Jesus and my true identity by growing in Him as my kiddos grow next to me. Let's do this together.

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Thank you! God Bless