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Thursday, April 27, 2017

How I feel about Unicorns & Magic

Since there is a frenzy for these brightly colored unicorn specialty drinks going on, I figured it was time to write this blog. The subject of magic has been on my radar a lot these days with the ridiculous amount of it used in children's shows. The TV show magic flat out irritates me. The drink is a temporary novelty that I have absolutely no desire to try or pay for.

This issue I have with magical whimsy didn't take effect until maybe a year ago. In my early 20's, I had a small obsession with Tinkerbell. I decorated a room in my house with green walls and a Tinkerbell light switch. I envisioned being able to design the room into a fairy haven. I think I also tried to design my life around a fairy tale idea. There is this optimism portrayed about life that simply doesn't work out for everyone equally.


Now when I see a show for a toddler based entirely on magic, I make the extra effort to change the channel or turn the TV off. There are so many subliminal messages being sent all the time. We are becoming desensitized to words or phrases and the enemy is walking full force into every nook and cranny of our lives.

An example of this is the use of the word "porn". Have you seen the quotes sent out on Facebook from "Word Porn" or shows like "Food Porn"? Someone likes the quote or the amazing dessert and passes it on. Now when I see this stuff, it makes me cringe. I looked up the definition of that word and it surprised me a little. The problem I have with it is that most people will associate the most common reference to that word which may bring up visuals. It can cause a chain reaction. There is an acceptance about that word that goes unnoticed. I didn't even want to write the word myself. It disgusts me that much. But if you have ever been tainted by the concept of porn, then it would and should. It destroys lives. So please don't share stuff with that word in it and not think of the significance it could have.

Magic and wishes are not much different, just prettier. I think it is a mind game being played on us, targeting out children. I'm not telling anyone to boycott Disney or any specific show but pay attention and see what your kids are being taught. If I could wave a magic wand or snap my fingers and change the world, that would take the place of God. So simple how quickly God is removed from His righteous place.

Do Not Love This World


15 Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you. 16 For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world. 17 And this world is fading away, along with everything that people crave. But anyone who does what pleases God will live forever.


I'm also not against fun and whimsy. I don't know how to tackle Santa Clause or the Easter Bunny. I'm wrestling with how to make Jesus the focus. I don't know if I even want to pretend with the kids. Why do I struggle so much about this decision? Like, really, the fun and ideas the world made up are going to be more prevalent and celebrated than Jesus? I've got a lot to figure out on this. Sorry if I opened up a can of worms for you but we can't look the other way and think this is just fun. It gets into our thought patterns and belief system. God gave us our children to raise, not advertisers, social media or TV land.

Dear God, Thank you for the gift of technology. Help me to use it appropriately. Help me set limits within my household to reflect Your standards. Help me to still allow joy and fun in the house without sacrificing our belief system. In Your Name, amen.


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Friday, April 21, 2017

How He Sees Me

My day is not going the way I had expected. I had a doctor's appointment that I was anticipating getting over with. It was rescheduled once already from December, and we had to wait for our new insurance to be in effect in April. This appointment is not physically comfortable either but necessary. I am grateful for the option to have this done. But there I was in the waiting room and the doctor was called away. It's not anyone's fault, just the way it is. But still, I wanted to cry. My hopes and expectations built up in this one chunk of my day were about to ruin the whole thing.

There are so many moving parts in my life right now that I can hardly think straight.  Luckily, the Dr. can see me on Monday, but I may have to bring the kids with me. I've been feeling guilty asking so much of my mom for babysitting. I think I really should join that Komae app and take the guilt out of finding a sitter.

Often I feel like a burden - that my feelings or needs are not important and that I am asking too much. Each situation or relationship is different but it is too easy for me slump my shoulders and embrace defeat or tolerate behaviors that may not be healthy. It gets overwhelming.

But how does God see me?

When I got in the car, after checking in with my mom, instead of crying, I turned on the Britt Nicole cd and put on the song, Through Your Eyes. What is it about being in a car that feels safe and like no one can see tears or hurt through the windshield? Or the dancing 😆 God still sees.




Someone once put it in a different perspective for me - that I am God's daughter. What should God's daughter be treated like? How should she set her standards? What about her value?

Music is effective because it helps me shift my focus. Enjoy this amount of solitude. Try to see what God can do with this detour in my schedule.

2 Corinthians 6:18 NIV
And "I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty."

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for simply being. It seems silly to thank you for that but I know that you actually do care about me and I'm not just a speck even if I feel like one. Help me to dismantle all the lies built up in my head and heart that lead me to the familiar place of abandonment and brokenness. Something so simple that is no one's fault can trigger me or trip me up to a place of destruction. Thank you that I no longer fall into the hole but that I fall into You. Thank you for music to lift my spirit and remind me that you are right there with me. That you see me, even if I feel totally forgotten. Thank you for providing a different way, maybe not a shimmering way, but a way to keep moving. I'm so grateful that I am broken enough to depend on you, Father. I wouldn't trade my ailments for something that may sound better because I'm learning to lean on you and stop trying to replace you. You alone are worthy. Help me to see myself as your loved, cherished, protected daughter. In Jesus Name, amen. 


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Wednesday, April 5, 2017

I Am More

This poem may help you to understand my heart and the purpose of the blog. I actually thought about changing the name of the blog to "More Than Just A Mom" but for now, I am not.

Something I notice lately is how often I say or think, "I just" (I just want to get somewhere on time. I just want you to listen to me so I can keep you safe.), or how often I simply add "just" to a statement. I use it in an exhaustive way but what comes to mind for me is that God is just. That may or may not have anything to do with this poem.

Anyways, here is my poem:

I Am More

I am not the one who has it all together
I am more than a beautifully made up face
I am designed perfectly by the Creator of the universe

I am not the dent in the car or the chip in the paint
I am more valuable than any earthly thing
I am redeemed by a king who died for me

I am not the problems or traumas in my life
I am more than the dysfunction in my relationships
I am a child of God

I am not the clothes I wear
I am more than fabric 
I am God's temple

I am not a mistake
I am more than the lies I've been told and the tears that I've cried
I am intentional and I'm claiming my victory in Christ

I am not my child running away from me not listening
I am more than the angry sound coming from my mouth
I am complete in Christ

I am not my children kicking and screaming in the grocery store
I am more than the heat and red cheeks from embarrassment on my face
I am loved by God

I am not my child when playing joyfully
I am more than the temporary peace I see
I am forgiven and invited into eternity

I am not just a mom
I am more than a title, more than a stereotype
I am a follower and a co-worker of Christ


Thanks for taking the time to read my poem. I've always loved to write poetry, especially as a teen. It helped me through some dark times and it helped me stay connected to God. This blog is a way for me to connect with God and how he's teaching me through my children and life as a stay-at-home mom. But I am more than just a mom and I am not going to let the world define my identity. I'm going to let God define it. So know that you are more than just a mom, or dad, grandparent, or whatever that may be for you. You have a purpose and don't let the world steal that from you. Live loved today.

Dear God, Thank you for the alone time today so that I could put this blog together and thank you for the words you put in my heart to help me communicate to you and about you. Let this blog land in somebodies lap that needs it. I hope that anything good that comes out of my mouth gives you glory God. Thank you so much. In Jesus name, amen.


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Saturday, April 1, 2017

Living Loved

There is a song by Hawk Nelson, Live Like Your Loved, that is on the radio lately that speaks to my soul. It is an anthem for living loved. But now I am wondering, what does that look like? Let's look at some of the song lyrics and see. The following are probably the bridges to the song and really the whole song is awesome but, these are my focus for the blog.

So go ahead and live like you're loved
It's okay to act like you've been set free
His love has made you more than enough
So go ahead and be who He made you to be

Act like you've been set free. I was baptized at 12 but I swear that day was the first day of a long mental prison sentence. I vividly remember waiting up in Jr. Church before it was time for the big moment. I genuinely wanted to give my life to Jesus but I didn't understand how badly the enemy wanted to fight for me. As I sat there, I could feel and imagine the little angel and the devil perched on my shoulders bickering. From that day on, I was in a tug of war game for my soul. Oddly, this happened after I chose who it belonged to. But the devil was trying to stop me from reaching my destiny, who He made me to be, from the very get go. 


And live like you know you're valuable
Like you know the one that holds your soul
Cause mercy has called you by your name
Don't be afraid to live in that grace

Live like you know you're valuable. Depending on how you were poured into growing up or what traumas you may have faced, feeling valued could be difficult. There are specific reasons why my view of my value was distorted. It is interesting because looking back I can see just how hard Satan had to work to try to deter me from reaching my purpose. He was after me young and used people to mess with my understanding of the one who holds my soul. I was a people pleaser. I became co-dependant. I thought my worth was more about what I could do for others than anything God might be trying to reveal to me. I was searching and falling short. I knew how to put on the "I've got it all together" act because it was part of my survival but people didn't know just how bad I was hurting. There were specific people that helped me feel that mercy had called me by my name. But I was so afraid to live in that grace. I did not understand grace. Because I was believing all the lies I had been told, I couldn't figure out how to believe, like really believe, in what Jesus did for me. It had become book knowledge and I had to get it into my heart.  I didn't think I was worth the death on the cross, me alone. I kinda lumped myself in like he died for me since he was dying for the world. But someone told me once that Jesus would have died for just me. Amazing. I have to fight the temptation even now to fall into old stinkin thinkin habits and get sucked into lies of the enemy that steal my grace. 

Live like you're loved, walk like you're free
Stand like you know, who he made you to be 
Live like you're loved, like you believe
His love is all, that you ever need

Walk like you're free. Wow, what a visual. Picturing myself when I used to walk with my head down, defeated. Moving about as if I was pulling chains on my ankles. I never had to endure physical chains but I sure had emotional ones. I'm still working on the injuries they left behind, probably will be all my life. But I can stand. I can finally stand like I know who he made me to be. I'm not a walking question mark anymore. I'm standing strong. Strong enough to get on my knees to cry out when I need. Strong enough to admit that I need Jesus more than anything. His love is all that I need! This is so true but took a little longer for me to realize. Once I understood that I was loved and valuable, I still was seeking, like this love was not quite enough. Maybe its because it doesn't seem tangible, physical. I wanted more. Again, I was humbled. Bottom line, I got to a point to acknowledge that no other love will be able to fulfill what the love of Christ can. You can't fill a void with a person, it doesn't work. God is it.

So looking back at my original question, what does it look like to live loved, I have to say it is more an attitude than a feeling. Feelings can get us into trouble. Truth, Biblical truth, is the antidote to the false expectations and lies of the world and the enemy. There is a verse that asks the question, do you believe? John 11:25-26  When I read this, I like the Amplified version because it details "believes in" with "adheres to, trusts in, relies on" and that helps me understand what it is I am saying when I simply say I believe in Jesus. I rely on Jesus. I finally trust in Jesus because I'm learning to accept His love for me. We are called to mature spiritually but I want to say that it took me almost 30 years of my life to get to a point that I trusted that Jesus truly cared for me, so I would encourage you to let His love soak all the way from your head to your toes. Let it really saturate your entire being. His love is legit. Nothing and no one will ever compare.

So now I want to walk with my head up, shoulders down, confident of the love poured out for me. I want to live in a way that others will know that I don't live for this crazy world but for my Father in heaven. I have a purpose and the devil isn't going to deter me.

Dear God, Thank you for dying on the cross for me. I know there are those out there that struggle with doubt about their value and this concept of being loved. It is hard when we feel wounded and damaged and may have been told we are unwanted. Let the truth of Your Holy Word reach those that need it and allow it to penetrate those hearts. Thank you Jesus for rising up and providing the Holy Spirit to dwell in my heart to enable me to function in a world that wants to eradicate You, the Creator. Help me to not sink back and hide but to be completely unashamed of You, my one and only. In Jesus Name, Amen. 



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