My Blog to God

 I haven't been writing much but I still have the desire to write. I actually have several started ideas saved just hanging out in interspace. Perhaps it is the season I am in with #momlife. 

Before I had this blog, even before I had kids, I had a blog. I used to type it out on my computer or write in a journal. My audience was God. My goal was to communicate. It was authentic and raw. It was a lifeline to Jesus. 

I am questioning why the struggle to post much content on Just A Mom From Ohio. In Bible study recently a topic of motivation struck me. Have I lost touch with the heart of the blog? Am I writing about God or for God? 

Since I was young, I felt like God lit a fuse in the writing part of my soul. It came naturally. It was a way that I could communicate with others and with God. 

I wrote a lot of poetry in high school. Writing poetry was a way to organize thoughts that I couldn't even speak. Today I would consider it a form of prayer. My heart was crying out to God on so many levels. Often I felt that the words were me processing what I believed God already wanted me to know. 

I grew up hearing about God, respecting and honoring God but not understanding that His love was not conditional upon my duty. My church did not do anything to mislead me. Church culture was for sure a little different in the 90's than now. My disconnect was that I did not understand God's love for me or what a general concept of unconditional love actually was. Long story short, I felt like love was conditional with most everyone in my little world. It was years before having Ephesians 3:16-19 prayed over me.

Fast forward to now and I still need to read the Word of God over my heart, my soul, and life to stay cemented in the truth of His love for me. Studying the Bible and listening to Christian music has helped me tremendously but I need to stay in constant connection with my Lord. 

In order to be the mom I want to be, I have to let go of that idea that I can be "that mom" and let God lead me each day to be their mom. When its not been a positive day, I speak it out in prayer with the kids at bedtime. I lift up our situation to where our help comes from. The kids may not understand yet, but if the only thing they remember about me when they get older is that I loved them enough to pray and cry out to God for them and us, then I'm content. I pray they seek God and not the world when life inevitably gets tough. 

When I think about this blog and what my goals are, it is to communicate with God and also to see if God wants me to fulfill a calling to write. Hopefully some part of my story is going to be able to bring Him glory. It would be wonderful if anything I share on my small rented space here could encourage you to grow deeper in your own walk with or towards the Father. I can't imagine my life without the hope I have in Jesus. I'm so grateful. And its not easy. Pain and trauma are part of my story but God has a plan and I have a purpose. I believe that now. I don't understand it but I trust God is going to get me through it, one day at a time. 

Father, thank you for the way you love me and for the people who sacrificed their lives so that I could read of your love in the Bible. I was reminded this morning of how many moms and parents are struggling with the same feelings of not feeling good enough. Help me to be a reminder that they are not alone. We all make mistakes and we all can come to You. I want to focus on using this blog as a method of worship and encouragement. Thank you for the opportunity to write. In Jesus name, amen. 

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