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Saturday, October 21, 2017

Real Love - You're Beautiful

Music is so crucial to my heart. It has been a friend when no one else seemed to see me. It has been an escape. I love how music can transport me to another world. If I am sad, some songs help me to release that, or can turn it to anger. I'm sad and still in shock about the suicide of Linkin Park's, Chester Bennington, as I deeply connected to much of his vocals. His raw sound, his heartfelt scream, and occasional quiet sounds would come alive through the speakers to me. I remember when the first album came out, I was in high school, and in deep emotional pain. In my teenage world, it really didn't feel like anything mattered, especially the truth. It felt like a waste. I couldn't do anything about it, so I spent a lot of time alone and writing. When Chester sang, I felt like he was able to yell out the many feelings buried deep inside of me. I never could scream and always wanted to.

I choose now to listen to mainly Christian radio. One artist I follow is Blanca. She was in the band Group One Crew and is now a solo artist. She makes music with beats at times that can actually get played on the radio. This new song she just put out called, Real Love, is so awesome to me. It is simple and moving, like a love ballad but its so much more than typical. She gets right to the point. She calls out something that I think many of us "broken" people desperately want - real love. Real, as in, not the typical fake junk we get from most of the people we have dated in the past or even from family. Real, as in the type that satisfies. I'm aware that not much of anything can quench that desire. I still am trying to figure out how to let God fulfill it through Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

You can spend a lot of  time chasing the waters to quench that desert in your heart or you can find Jesus at the cross. We DON'T have to have it together first, first he loved us. We come to him as we are, broken and wounded or simply lost, and he will work it out with us. This Jesus life is NOT about how many church services you go to, what you wear, the color of your hair, or if you have a tattoo. It is about relationship, not religion.


I have heard the story of the woman at the well twice this week and as I try to publish this blog, I feel that I need to mention that story. If you really start to dig into the context of that story, it is more powerful. She needed living water, not the water from the well. That meeting at the well changed her life and others because she could not contain it. That is the power of the gospel.

Even though I was raised in a church, I still got so screwed up. I have accepted it as part of my journey but I wish for that little girl in me, that I didn't have to learn the hard lessons. However, just because we know Jesus does not mean we are exempt from a challenging life. Sin is alive in this world and we are all going to be affected by it. Some of my problems are because of the sin nature and some are consequences from poor choices. I used to try to trace back the source of each bad thing, all the way to Adam & God. I couldn't understand why he would bother with us and I was not thrilled with God for creating me. But I have come a long way since then and am learning to realize that I have such a short view into the way and character of God. He is I AM. I am Angela, not Just A Mom from Ohio, lol.

So hearing the lyrics and passion in Blanca's voice during the song Real Love, it felt like she understood much of my struggle. I can't check the boxes and do things right to be loved. God already loved me, I just had to learn that I was worthy of that love and to accept it.

Then I flip the channel to another station I have saved on the preset and it started playing "You're Beautiful" by Mercy Me. Beautiful, me? Not something I would typically say to myself or about myself. The lyrics to this song were like God saying, I hear you. I just have to post the song lyrics because they speak for themselves.

Beautiful
MercyMe
Days will come when you don't have the strength
When all you hear is you're not worth anything
Wondering if you ever could be loved
And if they truly saw your heart, they'd see too much
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are made for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, you are sacred
You are His
You're beautiful
Praying that you have the heart to fight
'Cause you are more than what is hurting you tonight
For all the lies you've held inside so long
They are nothing in the shadow of the cross
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are made for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, you are sacred
You are His
You're beautiful
Before you ever took a breath
Long before the world began
Of all the wonders He possessed
There was one more precious
Of all the earth and skies above
You're the one He madly loves
Enough to die
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
In His eyes
You're beautiful
You were meant for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You are treasured you are sacred you are his
You're beautiful
You are meant for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You are treasured you are sacred you are his
Songwriters: Carole King
Beautiful lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

Will you remember that you are treasured and sacred please. And if you ever do start to want to take your life, please reach out for help.



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If you ever heard that you should have been aborted or that no one wants you, remember, "before you ever took a breath, long before the world began, of all the wonders he possessed, there was one more precious....you're the one He madly loves". He would have been on the cross for just you, just me, but not because he had to, because he chose to. Don't be like the younger me, feeling excessively guilty, asking why did Jesus have to die for me? There is a difference between godly sorrow and the devil's schemes to bury us.  My self esteem was so warped I couldn't recognize lies from truth and much of that was not my fault. Instead of trying to get it right, stop, breath, talk to God, read the Bible, and don't give up. It takes time. Don't be ashamed to ask for help. If you reach out at a church or to someone and it doesn't go well, try again. There are a lot of humans that are not skilled to reach everyone and they may not be the person who can help. Keep trying. Real love is available in Jesus, not a building, its a relationship. I still suggest being in a church community, but actual community, get involved, doing something that might make you uncomfortable. But have patience with yourself as you work on your healing. 




Father, Thank you for the power of music and the talented people of all walks of life that write it and share their hearts. Lord, I lift up all of the family, friends, and fans of Chester. His life has impacted many, including me. It is hard to understand why something like that happens but it does and I want to pray for anyone who may be feeling desperate or alone. Please guide someone into their lives to see past the pain, hurt, rejection, or even the front that everything is OK when it is not. I understand trying to keep it together, too ashamed to share how awful you really feel. I'm thankful God, that I started allowing the verse in Ephesians 3:14-19 to saturate my heart and allow me to build a deeper trust in You. It is still hard to obey at times but I know I've made progress, finally, after so many years. There is hope in relationship with Jesus. There is hope in a world that without You makes absolutely no sense and seems hopeless. Thank you Lord for the hope I have in Jesus to be restored to You. In Your Holy name, amen. 

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Thank you! God Bless!

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