The MisEducation of Love

Who did you learn about love from? Do you feel like you got a good education on the subject? Or as you got or are getting older, do you see that maybe you were taught by someone that wasn't quite a master on the topic themselves?

Often I would say that experience was my best teacher. However, how many times did I have to go through a bad situation to realize that it wasn't healthy. All I was trying to do was love someone or be loved.

I had no clue what healthy love was. All I knew was that I was desperate for love that I could feel. And when it hurt, I felt it. I felt something.

There is a twisted dark world we live in, even if we would rather put our heads under a rock and ignore it. We can try but that sneaky devil will attempt to come to you anyways. I worry about the young girls or tweens in my life. Mostly because I remember being one. It was a tricky time then and now it seems to be so much worse.

I have so many thoughts and wisdom I want to share with them but I don't think they are prepared to hear me. Now I have become the "old" person who thinks they know better. How did that happen? LOL. But the reality is that yes I am older and because of that I am wiser, mostly because I've made a lot of unfortunate decisions in my life. If only I could get them to listen and spare them from some pain.

Sometimes when I write or speak, I am hesitant to be too vulnerable or too truthful. But I'm starting to get over that. I'm starting to not care, because whether anyone can handle it or not, it is my story and my truth. And God didn't let me go through it to wallow in misery alone. I believe God can use my difficulties to help someone else. That gives me hope and a purpose.

It is my own mis-education of love that allows me to think that protecting other people is more important than my own dignity and my own value. I had loved others over myself. Which is tricky because as Christians we are taught to love others more. But, I think love can be explained in ways that don't always help us. I'm not an expert in anything other than my own life. So when I express myself, know that I am speaking from my perspective. I'm very cautious and nervous about ever misrepresenting God.

If you don't love yourself, then how do you love others? If you have no consideration of self-worth and value, how do you know that God loves you? We pour out love from inside and if we are not filled with love, how do we give love? If someone repeatedly hurts you, how do you keep loving them but not continue to get hurt?

I have spent the second half of my life so far trying to re-educate myself on what real love is. It has been so hard! I've been angry at a lot of people and at God for letting it happen and for creating me. But then as I've matured, I'm learning to shift my focus. Being angry and alone doesn't help. But using my anger as a motivation to grow and get healthy is better. Learning to forgive myself for being duped time and time again has been frustrating. Reaching out to others and recognizing that we are not alone is incredibly helpful. No one is perfect folks! Everyone has flaws and problems, at least one, but probably more. Some of us are just more transparent than others and that's OK. We are all doing the best we can, right? If you don't know better, how can you be better?

The mis-education of love is generational. We are teaching our kids what we were taught or what we have understood and corrected. I recognized early on that I was not content with all the lessons I was learning and that they were not all in line with what God wanted. Doesn't mean I still didn't screw up my life repeatedly. But I knew God was there even if I didn't understand Him either.

As a mom, I pray for my kids to let Jesus into their hearts. My hope is that someday the love of Jesus will fill up their precious hearts enough to not crave what the world offers to them like I did. I want them to learn from my mistakes but I know that I will have to let them go and figure it out on their own. I want them to know that I will be there for them when they make mistakes and fall but that I will have loving boundaries.

Boundaries - that is a whole subject that I believe is deeply connected to true love that I will have to delve into more another blog. I don't think you can truly be in a loving relationship without a large helping of boundaries. As Brene Brown said, "Boundaries are frickin important". Don't know if that language bothered you, but, its a quote, and it is just a word. You may remember it because of that word. I love people that say that word. 

My goal with this blog is to bring awareness to the magnitude that is the topic and understanding of LOVE. Love is so much more than a word. DC Talk had an awesome song, "Luv is a verb".

Luv Is A Verb (Official Music Video) (Official Video) by DC Talk on VEVO.

Wow, I don't know if I ever saw that video before now. It wasn't readily available on the Internet when I was listening to that cassette. That was a good album!

I just have to add that I noticed even the movie Frozen includes this concept of misunderstood love. Near the end, when Anna returns to the castle to get her true love's kiss, and the guy says that he didn't love her and left her to die. Hello! That would have been me, dying, because I was desperate for love that I believed this jerk when he said he loved me.

My 3yo is finally into this movie. She has watched it every night before bedtime for the last 4 days. It is amazing that she sits through the movie. I never quite got what the hype was about this movie though. Maybe we should check out Moana. I see people posting about that one.

Dear God, Thank you for the way you inspire me. Thank you for providing the Holy Spirit to guide me and pray with and for me. Thank you for the gift of Jesus. I'm sorry that I blamed you for the trouble in my life. I know now that you never wanted me to suffer this pain but it is just the fallout from the Fall in the garden. Thank you for the ability to use this pain for good, to help me to encourage others who may struggle with the same or similar things. Thank you for the many resources that are out there to help overcome struggles. Thank you for the Bible. In Jesus Saving Name, amen.

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Thank you! God Bless


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