How He Sees Me

My day is not going the way I had expected. I had a doctor's appointment that I was anticipating getting over with. It was rescheduled once already from December, and we had to wait for our new insurance to be in effect in April. This appointment is not physically comfortable either but necessary. I am grateful for the option to have this done. But there I was in the waiting room and the doctor was called away. It's not anyone's fault, just the way it is. But still, I wanted to cry. My hopes and expectations built up in this one chunk of my day were about to ruin the whole thing.

There are so many moving parts in my life right now that I can hardly think straight.  Luckily, the Dr. can see me on Monday, but I may have to bring the kids with me. I've been feeling guilty asking so much of my mom for babysitting. I think I really should join that Komae app and take the guilt out of finding a sitter.

Often I feel like a burden - that my feelings or needs are not important and that I am asking too much. Each situation or relationship is different but it is too easy for me slump my shoulders and embrace defeat or tolerate behaviors that may not be healthy. It gets overwhelming.

But how does God see me?

When I got in the car, after checking in with my mom, instead of crying, I turned on the Britt Nicole cd and put on the song, Through Your Eyes. What is it about being in a car that feels safe and like no one can see tears or hurt through the windshield? Or the dancing 😆 God still sees.

Someone once put it in a different perspective for me - that I am God's daughter. What should God's daughter be treated like? How should she set her standards? What about her value?

Music is effective because it helps me shift my focus. Enjoy this amount of solitude. Try to see what God can do with this detour in my schedule.

2 Corinthians 6:18 NIV
And "I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty."

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for simply being. It seems silly to thank you for that but I know that you actually do care about me and I'm not just a speck even if I feel like one. Help me to dismantle all the lies built up in my head and heart that lead me to the familiar place of abandonment and brokenness. Something so simple that is no one's fault can trigger me or trip me up to a place of destruction. Thank you that I no longer fall into the hole but that I fall into You. Thank you for music to lift my spirit and remind me that you are right there with me. That you see me, even if I feel totally forgotten. Thank you for providing a different way, maybe not a shimmering way, but a way to keep moving. I'm so grateful that I am broken enough to depend on you, Father. I wouldn't trade my ailments for something that may sound better because I'm learning to lean on you and stop trying to replace you. You alone are worthy. Help me to see myself as your loved, cherished, protected daughter. In Jesus Name, amen. 

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