As we celebrate the freedoms we have this 4th of July, I am reminded how blessed I truly am. There is so much to be grateful for.

Christmas in July special blog post:

It's a couple days after Christmas and here I go talking about the word spoiled. I just looked up the definition of the word "spoil" on dictionary.com and realized that maybe the way I had initially thought of referring to it might not make sense. You see, I was feeling, or so I thought, spoiled. I felt almost ashamed because I went to the doctor again today, making it twice in the last week, just for me. Normally I can ignore my own colds but this virus was kicking my butt and our insurance is going to be changing in a couple days and I was getting worked up about it all. So they called me in a nose spray and I was going to need to stop at the pharmacy again and I started thinking do I really need to go in there again. I literally could roll my own eyes at myself right now for that "woe is me" attitude. How privileged I am to be able to get to the doctor, to get to a pharmacy, and to attempt any relief. I did get over myself and dragged myself and my also sick kids into the store again.

A few days ago, I was happy to see the Call the Midwife Christmas special on. I recently discovered this show and have been waiting for new episodes so this was a pleasant surprise. In this special, the midwifes are on a mission trip in Africa and dealing with much graver circumstances, like finding a way to get clean water. The show takes place in the 1960's. It is a reminder to me of the blessings of today in America. I can easily lose sight of how wonderful we have it.

So I was initially thinking that I was ashamed because of how spoiled I am. But the definition below from dictionary.com causes me to challenge this thought. 

3. to impair, damage, or harm the character or nature of (someone) by unwise treatment, excessive indulgence, etc.:
    to spoil a child by pampering him.

This links back to me the way I continually struggle to accept love, particularly from God. We just finished celebrating the gift God gave the world, Jesus Christ, his Son, the Savior and I'm feeling guilty. This has been a problem for me when I was single and now as a wife and mom, it just shows up differently. I am grateful for the ability to see the doctor but I don't think God would want me to feel shame for using that gift. In The Message version of the Bible, John 3:16-18 reads:

This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need to be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn't go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. Anyone who trusts in him is acquitted; anyone who refuses to trust him has long since been under the death sentence without knowing it. And why? Because of that person's failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of God when introduced to him. 

John 3:16-18The Message (MSG)  (I added the highlighting)


Why did I highlight that part in green? It is to remind me that God isn't standing up in Heaven looking down on me with a big giant pointed finger and mean face. No, that is not our God! As it continues to read, He came to help. God loves us enough to send Jesus to live on earth with us, to walk with us, to die for us. I've had to get past the feelings of shame and imperfections and misunderstandings about who my God is in order to accept His amazing grace. I guess I'm not spoiled as I started to think, I'm loved.
Some antonyms for the word "spoil" include: save, mend, protect
So I'm going to say that instead of feeling spoiled, I feel saved, mended, and protected today.  

Dear Lord, Thank you for loving me so much to give your son to come to earth and die for me, being separated from you. If anything is unfair, that would be it. Guide me in my pursuit of happiness to be representing you Lord. I don't want to be greedy or raise my kids to be unaware of how good they have it. I wantto find a balance in appreciating what we have but not loving anything more than you. Thank you for continuing to pursue my heart and those in my family. In Jesus Name, amen.

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